06 Nov

EFT Mistakes

 

As my clients know I use EFT a lot in my work. It is an invaluable as a technique to calm the  freeze, flight, freeze response in the body.  It can help to release trapped trauma that we may still be carrying in our body from childhood, helping us to affect real change in our lives. If you are tapping on your own at home, you may want to read this list of common mistakes so you can get more out of your practice. It was created by Valerie Lis, MA, aka “The Tapping Teacher.”

I want you to get exceptional results every time you tap. A few “mistakes” may be slowing you down. The purpose of this article is to help you understand these common errors. Correcting them will lead to breakthroughs in your self-work.

MISTAKE #1: EFT works on your memories and thoughts.
EFT does not work on your memories and thoughts. It works on the physical response associated with your memories and thoughts.
If you have a fear of spiders, for example, there is a fight-or-flight (stress) response. Your heart rate increases, breathing accelerates, pupils dilate, and digestion stops. These symptoms occur when you think about a spider or get close to one. With tapping, there is a sudden shift from fight or flight to deep relaxation. As a result, your body’s automated response to spiders (conditioned link) is broken and the fear is permanently released. The memory, itself, remains the same.
To resolve this mistake, ask before tapping: “Where do you feel this in your body?” This assures an accurate starting point to measure your progress. If you have a strong physical response, it usually means you are ready to tap. It also makes it easier to measure shifts as they occur.

MISTAKE #2: Emotional distress is to be avoided.
When working with EFT, emotional distress is beneficial. This is one of the hidden “secrets” in the world of tapping. When clients cry with me, I am honored and joyful. Tapping through tears produces a powerful release. It is exhilarating to connect and share this experience with my clients.
On a scale from 1 to 10, 5-10 is the “sweet spot.” If your emotional distress is too high (i.e., higher than 10, or “out of control”), you may want to tap in silence. If you do not have emotional distress, or the level is too low, you may find it ineffective to tap.
To resolve this mistake, simply focus on the emotional distress. And then tap it away.

MISTAKE #3: “Big” problems from long ago are more challenging to clear.
EFT is evidence-based for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), phobias, and generalized anxiety. This shows that EFT is effective on intense issues. Events where there is no emotional distress are actually more challenging to clear.
You should, however, protect yourself. Rather than tapping on your own to clear your big issues, you may want to work with a qualified practitioner.

MISTAKE #4: You must find the “right” words.
This is one of the most common mistakes among new students of EFT. Tapping scripts and tap-alongs support the belief that you must find the right words. It is actually more important to be in your “feeling space.” For effective results with EFT, it is essential to be in your feeling space.

MISTAKE #5: You must always follow the “correct” procedure. This includes stating the Setup three times and calling out Reminder Phrases on the eight primary tapping points.
Yes, it is important to know the correct procedures. At the same time, you should not be controlled by them. EFT is a forgiving process. In certain situations, steps can be skipped.
The purpose of the Setup, for example, is to resolve Psychological Reversal. Reversals occur only 20% of the time and are associated with a lack of emotion. So, especially when emotions are high, you can eliminate the setup.
In addition, individual tapping points can be skipped or missed. On occasion, Reminder Phrases can also be eliminated. Rather than blindly following rules for correctness, you could simply try to focus on the charge and tap the points.

MISTAKE #6: You must call out Reminder Phrases to stay focused on the memory or belief.
Rather than calling out Reminder Phrases to stay focused on the memory or belief, it is more important to stay in your feeling space. Overthinking, that is, being in your “head bubble,” is counterproductive and slows down the process. Calling out Reminder Phrases may cause you to move from your feeling space back to your head bubble. If it does, Reminder Phrases are a distraction. Especially with high emotional intensity, you may want to avoid Reminder Phrases and tap in silence.

MISTAKE #7: You must go through the entire “story” and know how to resolve the presenting issue before you begin tapping.
It is not always necessary to understand the story or the issue. I believe that the best practice is to begin tapping as soon as possible. EFT seems to increase intuition; memories appear exactly when they are needed.
The simplest approach is to: (1) find the emotional charge, (2) tap, (3) evaluate, (4) find the emotional charge, (5) tap, (6) evaluate … and so on. Following this process often leads to enlightened, magical, “goose-bump” moments.

MISTAKE #8: Positives are to be avoided. Or, alternatively, positives are to be encouraged.
The use of negatives versus positives while tapping is a common topic for discussion. I believe it is more important to determine whether the words or phrases are charged. For example, if “I am ugly” makes you emotional, this is the correct phrase. If “I am beautiful” makes you emotional, this is the correct phrase.
I have found an interesting relationship between negative self-talk and charged positives. This may provide a clue on which form should be used. Anyway, it does not matter whether words are negative or positive. If you shift your focus to charged phrases, your tapping sessions will be more productive.
Many students of EFT like to repeat blocks of affirmations while tapping. Although this does not provide deep, transitional, permanent shifts, it can be a nice tool for relaxation.

MISTAKE #9: Since there is a benefit to tapping on your own, there is no need to work with a practitioner.
EFT is a self-tool, so it is worthwhile to tap on your own. If you work with a qualified practitioner, though, you will likely find that your results will improve.

MISTAKE #10: You need to be trained in EFT. Or, alternatively, there is no need to be trained in EFT.
Proficiency falls on a continuum. On one side are those who have never been trained. As a self-help tool, it is possible to get results on your own. These results, however, often come with limitations.
Further up the spectrum are those who have been trained in the core curriculum. They get consistent results on self-work and on most issues when working with others.
The highest level includes those who get consistent results on self-work and on most issues when working with others. Their results are also faster, deeper, and more complete than other EFT practitioners.
Reaching the highest level of the spectrum is the goal in my sessions and workshops. I also wish to lead each student that I train and mentor in this direction. I hope that you, also, move up on this proficiency scale.

Bonus Mistake #11 is the belief that all practitioners are the same. EFT is simply a tool and, unfortunately, not all practitioners are proficient in its use. Whether you tap on your own, work with a practitioner, or are a practitioner, I hope this article has helped you recognize common tapping mistakes. Understanding and correcting these errors will lead you to consistent, deeper results with EFT.

Valerie Lis, MA, aka “The Tapping Teacher,” Her upcoming book Simplified EFT: How to Get Exceptional Results Every Time You Tap includes dozens of new concepts and hundreds of innovative ideas

09 May

Make Affirmations Effective Using EFT

Make affirmations effective

Affirmations take a lot of perseverance and many people give up on them when they haven’t worked. With EFT, we have an effective tool that will help you get results from these affirmations. The most common reason that positive affirmations often don’t work is that we have negative subconscious beliefs that will undermine the affirmation you are making.

I have excerpted a piece from Gary Craig’s article on “Tail Enders” (it’s long but it’s definitely worth the read!). Gary calls those negative beliefs ‘Tail Enders’ as they can pop into your thoughts at the end of your affirmation. They are the ‘yes, buts’ and you need to be aware of them as they can sabotage your success.

Gary talks about a woman who weighs 200 pounds and wants to weigh 130 pounds:

Her affirmation is:

“My normal weight is 130 pounds”

She believes that if she keeps repeating that affirmation she will change her mind-set about her being 200 pounds. Unfortunately, after her affirmation, she may have one or more negative beliefs or doubts (Tail Enders) that pop up such as:

“But if I lose the weight, others will expect me to keep it off”

“But if I lose the weight I will have to spend a lot of money for new clothes”

“But if I lose the weight, men will hit on me and expect sex”

“But if I lose the weight, men won’t hit on me and then I will know that I’m not lovable”

“But if I lose the weight, I will have to give up my favorite foods”

This list of tail enders can be endless. These are just examples. They are not spoken or articulated but are in her mind and she may not even be aware of some if not all of them. They are the obstacles for her losing weight. Can they be eventually overridden by the persistent use of the affirmation?  Probably. However, it’s a rare person who will keep up this persistence because they are not seeing any immediate results and they feel uncomfortable with the emotional discord that goes on between the affirmation and the competing negative belief. They often conclude that they are lying to themselves and just give up. As you can see the affirmation process usually needs help. It needs EFT to erase those tail enders.

This brings us to one of the truly powerful aspects of affirmations, namely that once an affirmation is installed, it is not easily moved. It becomes a permanent part of your persona until you replace it. For instance, those tail end affirmations for our 200 pound woman have taken up residence within her system. They are entrenched. They are written on her walls and have become her consistent thoughts, which of course have become her reality. They are stubborn and are not about to be easily “talked away” with an unaided new affirmation.  She sees herself as a 200 pound woman- and that’s it!  Her weight is a reflection of her existing affirmations (the writing on her walls). The good news here is that once the new “130 pound affirmation” truly takes place, it becomes the new consistent thought and is just as obstinate as the previous “200 pound beliefs” which it replaced. To gain weight back would be inconsistent with the new consistent thoughts she has.

If we listen to ourselves talk, we will hear our “limits” and other forms of affirmations. Things like…..

“I can’t sing,” “Making money isn’t spiritual,” “Women can’t compete in a man’s world,” “I never seem to find the right words,” etc. etc. etc.

These serve as affirmations that keep us right where we are. Affirmations are powerful, very powerful. We are using them every minute of the day. They shape our lives because they reflect our beliefs and our attitudes. You are using them right now as you are reading this. You are consulting your existing affirmations to agree or disagree to what I am saying. Have you found yourself saying, “Yes, but……” while reading this? If so, you are affirming something, probably a limit.

Affirmations are highly reliable and do, indeed, manifest in people’s lives that which is affirmed.

There is no question that properly installed affirmations work very powerfully. The only trick here is to make sure that the affirmation that you really want is the true affirmation.

This is where EFT comes in. It serves as a highly effective eraser for all the negative emotions and beliefs that are the competing tail enders. With the skillful use of EFT, each and every block to personal performance can be eliminated, thereby providing a clean wall on which to write our new consistent thoughts. Erase and replace.  The combination of EFT and affirmations allows us to completely re-engineer our systems. It allows us to erase our blocks and install our dreams. Finances can flourish. Friendships can flower. And personal peace can proliferate.

Up until now EFT has been a stand-alone eraser without any means to install dreams.  Affirmations on the other hand have been a stand-alone tool for installing dreams but without an eraser for the competing negative beliefs.

So let’s look at how to erase those negative beliefs, or tail enders. Some people are not even aware that they have these negative beliefs, they can be deeply embedded in their subconscious and they are so used living to with them. One way you can tell if you have a negative belief running is to check in with your body sensations.

Firstly, say your affirmation aloud. Then notice if you feel any tension, heaviness, tightness, fear or resistance when you say it. Perhaps you feel butterflies in your stomach, a headache, dread, nervousness, or shortness of breath.  If you do, you can be pretty sure you have one or more negative beliefs about the affirmation.  Ask yourself what that might be, if you get an answer, great. If not, you can still simply tap on the negative feeling in the body. Oftentimes once you start to tap, the belief and emotions connected to the feeling will come up. If it doesn’t, tapping on the sensation will still get results.

Look at whether you think you deserve what you are asking for. You may have deep-seated feelings of being undeserving or feelings that if you have success in achieving the affirmation it will be unsafe for you. Even if you have these feelings, tapping persistently will help to diminish them and replace them with the positive affirmation.

Let’s look at the woman who wanted to lose the weight. Remember that with EFT we want to work on one specific issue at a time and to be specific. Her first negative belief or tail ender was:

“But if I lose the weight, others will expect me to keep it off”

She would check on how true that feeling is for her between 1 and 10, 1 being not very true at all and 10 being completely true. In EFT we want to tap on the negative beliefs, feelings, pain etc first until they rate at a 4 or below on the scale. Then we can add some positive reframing statements or your affirmation and tap on those statements.

Now it may be that you have to go through each ‘tail ender’ before you feel free and positive enough to say your affirmation without any tension or fear.

Below is a Tapping Points chart showing the location of the tapping points. For this Tapping Exercise you don’t have to tap the Liver Point.

The Tapping Sequence

Tap 5 to 7 times gently on each point with your finger tips (there are meridian energy points on the end of your fingers too!). Use your index and middle finger on your dominant hand or hands as you say each statement.

You can use both hands on the Top of the Head, Eye Brows, Side of the Eyes, Under the Eyes, Collar Bones and Under the Arms. You can switch from one hand to two, whatever feels comfortable. As long as you are tapping on the points, it really doesn’t matter if you are using one hand or two. It’s just as effective either way.

You can insert your own statements; these are just some ideas for you to start with:

The lady who wants to lose the weight could tap something like this:

Round 1

Karate Chop Point (KC): “Even though others will expect me to keep the weight off and I don’t know that I can, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway

Even though I am sure everyone will expect me to keep the weight off, I’m open to not caring so much what others think

Even though I am too scared to have that much pressure put on me, I am open to accepting myself completely.”

Top of the Head (TH): They’ll expect me to stay slim

Eyebrow: (EB): It’s too much pressure

Side of The Eye (SE): I don’t want to let anyone down

Under the Eye (UE): It’s too much pressure

Under the Nose (UN): I might disappoint them

Under the Lip/Above chin (CP): I may disappoint myself

Collar Bone (CB): It’s too overwhelming

Under the Arm (UA): I don’t know how it’s even possible to lose that much

Wrist Point (WP): There’s too much expected of me

KC: I don’t want to disappoint

Round 2

TH: I don’t want to disappoint anyone

EB: It’s too much pressure

SE: I don’t want to care what they think

UE: They’ll have expectations

UN: They may put me down

CP: I might be rejected

CB: I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know who I would be if I were different

UA: I might lose my friends (boyfriend etc)

WP: It’s too threatening

KC: But I’m tried of carrying around this weight

Round 3

TH: It’s too hard

EB: It’s too overwhelming

SE: It’s too much weight to lose

UE: I don’t have enough discipline

UN: Why bother?

CP: It’s too much stress to live up to others’ expectations

CB: I’m afraid if I lose it, I’ll put the weight it back on again

UA: Then I will disappoint everyone and be right back where I started

WP: Why even start?

KC: It’s seems too overwhelming

Round 4

TH: Maybe it’s possible

EB: After all it is my body and I want to feel good about my body

SE: I am open to choosing how I want to feel about my body

UE: Maybe it’s possible I can not care so much what others think

UN: I’m open to respecting myself

CP: I’m open to loving myself and my body

CB: What if I could care more about what I think rather than what others think?

UA: What if I could value myself more?

WP: What if I could do this for me?

KC: What if I could feel safe losing weight?

Round 5

TH: What if I could try it a little every day?

EB: What if I could be consistent?

SE: What if I could have more respect for myself than caring what others think of me?

UE: I am open to feeling safe no matter what weight I am

UN: I am a good person no matter what weight I am

CP: I am choosing to value and respect myself

CB: I am choosing to have healthy expectations of myself

UA: What if it could have fun losing the extra pounds?

WP: Maybe I could look forward to all I can do, when I am slimmer

KC: Maybe I can look forward to feeling really great about myself and my health no matter what

KC: I am choosing to lose weight for my own health and my own sake

KC: I am choosing to feel safe losing weight for me

Okay so that was a quick 5 rounds. Now remember everyone is different. You may need to tap more on the negative beliefs before you start tapping in the positive. Make sure you tune in to your feelings, start trusting those feelings instead of your head (sometimes your mind will play tricks with you but your body holds the truth).

The end result for the woman losing the weight would be that she would want to feel that it isn’t so important to her what others think about her weight. Then she can cross that ‘tail ender’ off her list and move on to the next or she may need to tap on it for a few days, if it is a deep ingrained belief. If she tested it, which we all need to do, she would ask herself how true is the statement:

“But if I lose the weight, others will expect me to keep it off” .

If it is at a 0 or a 1, you can be pretty sure it’s done but if it is still at a 3 or 4 more tapping is needing to be done.

Now say the affirmations again and see how true it feels for you?

You can use the above example to work with any affirmations. One of the things that I do is little affirmations so that it doesn’t feel too impossible or overwhelming a task for me. I just keep chipping away at it and adding more affirmations when I have achieved the first one and eventually I get success.

One other point I want to mention here is that as you are tapping, memories and many feelings may come up that are connected to those negative beliefs. For the woman wanting to lose the weight, it may be that family members or kids in school teased her about weight. She may have been molested or felt physically threatened. Whenever you are tapping please be aware that sometimes deeply buried trauma may come up. I strongly suggest that you work with an experienced practitioner if there is something traumatic that does comes up for you. There is help out there for you and you shouldn’t have to be alone with it, you can get help and freedom. If very scary feelings do come up for you, just tap the scary feelings down, don’t panic, tapping will calm them. Look at it as an opportunity for you to heal unresolved trauma. Find a skilled, knowledgeable and compassionate professional who is trained in trauma therapy.

This was just an example of one affirmation. You can affirm anything, you can work on finances, relationships, confidence, business goals, health, golf scores, performance anxiety, you name it. Take this formula and tap away any negative beliefs or ‘tail enders’ you may have using the above template.

Try using EFT with your affirmations and I wish you great success. Please email me if you have any questions at:

info@gailmae.com

You can view Gary Craig’s website at: www.emofree.com

07 Oct

My Winter’s Journey

Spring is finally here in full force, my favorite season! It has been an incredible blessing over the winter months, spending time with myself, while becoming a Destiny Coach, taking spiritual and Internal Family Systems classes. Maybe it’s my age and the time of life to reflect, maybe. But I also remember those long summer months of vacation in Australia as a kid, of having the opportunity and time to do nothing if I chose. There was a slowness, a stillness, a time to dream, a time to reflect, a time for play. I remember one of my favorite things to do was to read in the back of our car in the carport. It was the shadiest and coolest place around.  We didn’t have air-conditioning and I would read and nap, think, daydream and reflect on what I was reading. That has got to be one of my favorite things to do even now. Mostly though I don’t give myself that pleasure, that joy enough.

Something wonderful happened this winter though as I was in this apartment with beautiful views and sun bursting through the windows. I felt called to spend time here, to slow down, to go inside even more deeply and to connect with God even more deeply. Everything that was ready to heal came up and having this relationship with God, He was able to love me and heal me through some unhealed events from the past.  Being that our life is a journey and we will hopefully always be on that journey, that journey of love, acceptance, forgiveness, purpose and connection with God.  Just like nature which is quiet in winter, resting, renewing and working underneath, in the roots and in the sap as it prepares for Spring, so it is important for us too to do the same, to slow down, reflect and renew.

Many people are running away from themselves. I know I still was. Recently I was reminded of Rumi’s beautiful quote: “The wound is where the light enters”. If the wound is where the light enters wouldn’t we seek the light?  Problem is, we have to go through the wound, sometimes opening up a scab that underneath is still not completely healed. We have to reveal that which is probably very uncomfortable and sometimes very scary. We have to look at the negative judgements about ourselves that we hold which, by the way, are just not true. We have to find the place where it is safe to let them go.

That’s why I have continued to search and find these wonderful techniques which not only help you to heal past wounds but also I’ve learned how to help you feel safe to heal and unburden any limiting beliefs you may have learned that keep you from stepping into your true destiny.

I have always sought for meaning in life, the meaning of why I am here and I continue to have everyday miracles, insights and guidance from God about that. What I love about God is that nothing is random.  I have seen that I am so much more than this life, this particular journey. This journey can be very up and down and challenging but it has been so worth it. My pilgrim journey of discovering who I am in the light of God who loves me unconditionally, this journey of lifting the veils of unconsciousness to discover the amazing light within each and everyone of us.

This marvelous Winter’s Journey of Realization of healing and learning could not have been possible with out the supernatural help, love and support from above I have had. Knowing that I am not alone and, even though I had felt alone in the past, I have realized that there was always someone watching over me and guiding me. Nor would it have been possible with out the incredible earth angels I have had in colleagues, spiritual mentors and expert coaches.
It couldn’t have been possible either without you my most important clients who trusted me enough to share your incredible precious selves. I honor you always, your courage to heal and to step forward into your destiny, is my inspiration. We are all one!

With love and blessings,

 

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14 Aug

Follow Your Joy

 

Joy

 

There are many things I love to do in life and one of those at the top of my list is my work. Working with clients and helping them to heal, feel better and reach their goals is one of my greatest joys. I am deeply grateful for all those who have helped me on my journey to be where I am in my career. I wish the same for you that you may also be doing the work you love.

Working for myself means I have to be pretty disciplined with where I put my time and energy. As much as I love my one on one sessions and workshops, the ‘business’ side can be a challenge to me. This ‘work’ never seems to end unless I put up boundaries for myself to create more balance.

I have found that when I give  myself time to follow my other interests and do the things that bring me joy, I end up attracting more clients and wonderful opportunities come knocking at my door.

It’s all about energy and how I feel. The more we tap into our joy, our vibration is automatically lifted higher.  We are in a state of flow and joy and good things are attracted to us. For me it may be singing, painting, dancing, exercising, spending time with family and friends.

What is it that brings you joy, makes you feel great and is in alignment with your creativity? It may be something that you can create a career out of or use as an adjunct to your career. Remember not to judge as you let your heart rule in this exercise and let your imagination soar. Ask yourself some ‘What if” questions such as, “What if I could teach tennis (or whatever is your passion) this way I could get to play more,  help others get better at it and enjoy it more AND get paid at the same time!  Let your imagination have fun with it.

What brings you joy?

Here are some great questions to ask yourself about what brings you joy from Louise Gale http://louisegale.com/.

Write your answers down, meditate on them with an open mind and heart.  Be careful not to judge your answers just let them flow and make it fun, as if you were a kid again.

1. What activities make you feel good and get you excited?

2. What are the feelings associated with those activities? Remember you can have more than one activity that brings you joy.

3. Which of these do you lose track of time with? When we are truly doing what we love, we forget about time. We are in the ‘zone’.

4. Would you do it for free? Putting money aside for the moment. If you had enough money to live on, which of these activities would you choose to spend your time on?

5. What do you talk about to others when given the chance? We get excited when we are passionate about something. If you are not sure what that might be, why not ask those around you. You may be pleasantly surprised.

6. Last but not least, if you had a magic wand, and no constraints at all, what would you love to be doing everyday that makes you feel great inside? Maybe you are closer than you think!

I’ve always believed that anything is possible. All you have to do is dream it, believe it and put the action steps in to achieve it. Any resistance or procrastination to achieving your goals we just tap on (do EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques) to move through and release. You are worth achieving your goals and being happy!

 

Love and blessings always,

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11 Jun

Beliefs are Passed Down Through the Generations.

Depositphotos_7665786_s

Everything we experience in life is filtered through our beliefs about ourselves.

It seems simple to say, “if I could just change how I feel about myself then everything will fall into place and I will achieve my dreams.”

Easier said then done, right?. We know that you can say affirmations ad infinitum and yet you still may not be making the money you wanted, or have found that perfect relationship, job or career. You’re still procrastinating and still walking around in fear with stress and anxiety.

Remember that your subconscious is running 95% of your life. You can’t change those subconscious beliefs by working hard, saying affirmations or by getting success coaching. These things can definitely help but if they are not working, it is an indication that you still have negative beliefs and/or trapped trauma that stops you from moving forward out of fear.  If there are parts of you that feel it is not safe to reach your goals, they are going to stop you in any way they can or if you achieve your goals somehow, they may come in and sabotage you. Don’t stop saying those affirmations but you must at the same time heal the trauma and let go of those accompanying limiting beliefs.

Where do these beliefs come from?

We create beliefs about ourselves from experiences which we have had during our lives and the untruths we believed about life and ourselves when a traumatic event occurred.  In order to survive (and we are all about survival), our subconscious creates a belief to keep us safe. The belief is usually ‘not true’ but it remains in our subconscious and running the rest of our life. If we do not heal it, it will continue to run our lives, causing us all kinds of problems.

We also absorb beliefs that our parents and ancestors have unwittingly passed on. A child’s brain, between the ages of 0 to 3 years of age, functions at the Delta frequency. Between the ages of 4-7, the child’s brain functions predominantly at the Theta frequency.
 This means that from childbirth (or even in the womb) to the age of 7, your brain registered things at an “hypnotic” level and drove them deep into your subconscious mind. Those formative years created the foundation for how you will react to the outside world for the rest of your life, unless you learn to change the programming at the subconscious level.

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As we only have Theta, Delta and Alpha brain waves up until the age of 7 years, we are in an hypnotic state. What we experience and witness from early childhood we believe to be true.  After all our parents are our gods to us when we are children, our survival is completely in their hands, why wouldn’t we believe them, we don’t know anything different and we don’t have a choice.

Gary Craig calls much of the learning we received from our nuclear family and our ancestors “writings on the wall”,  certain sayings and beliefs that get passed on generationally and we believe them to be true. These can affect our choices for the rest of our lives if we don’t take care of them at the subconscious and cellular level.
Our lives and our experiences and challenges have profound importance, they can form our identity and can affect who we become in this life. We all experience trauma of some kind and have obstacles to overcome and grow from.  They are our own particular and unique school of life and profoundly connected to our purpose.   These traumas and lessons are the basis of how we are going to ‘give back’ with the wisdom we have gained through working through our challenges.

How do we grow from these negative beliefs and traumas?

By  healing the beliefs we learned. Some of the techniques I have found to be helpful and transforming are EFT and Matrix Reimprinting,  Picture Tapping Technique, Internal Family Systems, the Grief Recovery Method and Transformation Prayer Ministry. If the client is open I also bring in a way they feel a loving connection to the Divine. Oftentimes trauma can cause a feeling or belief that we are alone in the world, or that we are unloved, or unlovable. Having the deep understanding that there is a kind and benevolent Higher Power who loves us deeply and will never abandon us and is within us all, can be healing in and of itself.  Many people have been wounded by religion and are angry at God and so we can even address these issues or put them on the back burner and work in a very clinical way.  Everyone’s needs are different and respected.  I am astounded sometimes with the profound learning I have received about my life.  Each memory I went back to that was traumatic, I am now able to see the value of and that if I didn’t have these experiences then I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing now.  I realize the importance of these experiences in my life’s journey.

“ Don’t turn away, keep your gaze on the bandaged places. That is where the light enters you” ~ Rumi

I have walked the journey, and as I was a victim as a child, subconsciously I carried that belief throughout my life even though the abuse happened so many years ago. It ran my life behind the scenes and I sabotaged golden opportunities and friendships because I didn’t feel worthy enough. Finally I am free, thanks to God’s abundant love in guiding me to these remarkable techniques.  Now I get to choose what I want to walk away from and not because of fear.

At this momentous time in the world, we are beginning to understand the power of God’s love, the power of our hearts, minds and souls to heal.  We have the opportunity to break the negative belief patterns that have been passed down through our ancestors. Our parents were the wounded children of their parents and so on. This is miraculous and transforming. This is going to help change the world for the better one heart, one soul at a time.

Love and Blessings,

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19 Mar

Integrity

 

While praying and meditating this morning, I asked God what He wanted to teach me today and the word Integrity came to my mind.

The Oxford English Dictionary Definition of Integrity is:

The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.

I felt that God was telling me to not only to be more in integrity to others but to be more in integrity to myself. So often over the years I have taken advice from others, believed them, forged ahead and things backfired for me and I ended up out of integrity. I didn’t trust my own gut, my own intuition, I often followed someone else’s advice as I believed they knew better than me. Perhaps if I had counseled myself, gone within to weigh whether this advice was something I felt was the right way to go for me? Perhaps I would have served myself better.

This doesn’t mean that we can’t ask someone else’s advice who may have expertise in the field you are asking about but why not turn inside first, to reflect and connect to God. After all we are all tapped into the source of all creation, we just have to listen and to trust our intuition. If you are not used to that, find ways to increase your skill in it. It takes practice. You have your own unique path in life and this is why it is important to trust and go within to find out what or where you are supposed to be and where you can best serve.

Choose trustworthy people who fully support you. Those who support you in finding out, for yourself, how to come to the choice, the decision that is for your highest good. Go to those who encourage and help you to see who you really are, who value your opinion and ask questions that help you to find what is true for you. When you come from your heart in a loving way it will be easier to stay in integrity. You will know it’s right in your gut.

Make sure you are not doing something out of fear.

It’s interesting to me how when I set an Intention as I did with Integrity, all the times I was not in integrity came up to the light to be healed. It can be very uncomfortable.  All those experiences that my subconscious had hidden away, ignored, pushed down, gone unconscious about, simply because I couldn’t handle it on my own, didn’t know how to handle it, or felt too guilty about. Well, it came up to the light to be healed, it was time. Whether that was to forgive myself, forgive others or to ask for forgiveness, it was time.

I think of this healing work like going to exercise class. If I don’t exercise, my body breaks down and I am not as strong, as healthy, or flexible. I feel the same way about my mind, my emotions and my spirit. I want to keep them healthy, flexible, open and always growing.

If you can relate to any of this, it is time to heal. Not healing may be blocking you from sharing your gifts in the world, having great relationships and of you feeling at peace in your soul. It will also get in the way of you manifesting all that you dream as you will feel unworthy until it is cleared and you are again in integrity.

We are moving towards being whole, entire and undiminished!

So for sure, up came all that stuff from the past where I was not in integrity, where I may have unwittingly hurt people or was not in integrity with myself. I had to clean it all up. It was an opportunity, a blessing even though it doesn’t always feel that way. I know it was worth it as it will be for you!

 

Love and Blessings Always,

 

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11 Mar

Reflection and the Seasons

I am ready for Spring weather and it looks like it may be here! Yay!!! The winter was an incredible blessing for me, since I didn’t have to commute to the office after January. I had more time to spend at home between clients reflecting on many issues and being with myself. I was reminded of those long summer months of vacation in Australia growing up, of having the opportunity and time to do nothing if I chose. There was a slowness, a stillness, a time to dream, a time to reflect, a time for play. I remember one of my favorite things to do was to read in the back of our car in the carport. It was the shadiest place around and I would read and nap, think, daydream. That has got to be one of my favorite things to do even now. Mostly though I don’t give myself that pleasure, that joy enough. I was always to busy and would feel guilty if I spent time either not doing anything or playing.

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Something wonderful happened this winter as I was in this apartment with beautiful views and sun bursting through the windows. I felt called to spend time here, to slow down, to go inside even more deeply and to heal even more deeply. Everything that was ready to heal came up to the light. Being that our life is a journey and we will always be on that journey of finding deeper self love and acceptance. Just like nature which is quiet in winter, resting, renewing and working underneath, preparing for Spring, it was important for me too, to do the same, to slow down, reflect and renew.

Most people are running away from themselves. I know I still was. I am reminded of Rumi’s quote: “The wound is where the light enters”. If the wound is where the light enters wouldn’t we seek the light? Problem is, we have to go through the wound, sometimes opening up a scab that underneath is still not completely healed. We have to reveal that which is uncomfortable and sometimes scary. We have to look at the negative judgements about ourselves that we hold which, by the way, are just not true.  We have to find the place where it is safe to transform them. We can safely heal with gentle techniques such as EFT (Emotional Healing Techniques), Matrix Reimprinting, Grief Recovery Method and Internal Family Systems. When you do heal, what is revealed is more and more of your connection to Divine Love and the discovery that you are enough, lovable and that your dreams are possible!

I have always sought the truth and this winter wonderful things have opened up to me of such beauty and bliss, that it is hard to describe. I continue to have everyday miracles, insights and guidance from above. We are all so much more than this life, this particular journey. I’m not saying it’s always easy, it can be very up and down on this journey but it is so worth it. Our pilgrim journey of discovering who we are, this journey of lifting the veils  to discover the amazing light within each and everyone of us.

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I think of clearing our energy, of getting our energy system unstuck, of changing any negative thoughts as something to be done continuously. We go to the gym and exercise classes to keep our bodies fit and flexible. We eat healthy food and pray and meditate. We brush our  teeth and floss. I also take care of my emotional system and get rid of any blocks and fears that crop up and get in the way of me achieving my goals.

I believe it is of prime importance to take care your emotions and spirit which affects every part of your body and create your life at every moment of every day.

Love and blessings always,

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27 Jan

Miracles

Miracles-snowflakes

The snow started falling in the morning and as it landed on my balcony I happened to look out and see all these little stars on the concrete and the furniture.  I can’t believe I’d never noticed snowflakes like this before.  I guess living in the city and not having grown up with snow, I mostly saw snow as cold, (I don’t like cold) and a nuisance.  It turns to a brown slushy mess and can be an inconvenience.

But here was this incredible miracle as I gazed out on the balcony and saw all these unique little stars.  They were each very beautiful and completely different.  I felt like a kid again in awe and wonder. The miracle of snow that each snowflake is unique, not one the same as another, how amazing is that?   It’s just like us.  There are billions of people in the world and not one is the same, we are all unique and beautiful and a miracle just like the snowflakes.

I saw another miracle as I was riding the bus to my exercise class.  It was lightly snowing and as we stopped to pick up some passengers I saw a few birds on a tree, flying from branch to branch and I couldn’t tell if they were enjoying the snow or not but I marveled that here they were with only some feathers keeping them warm in this 20 degree weather.

One of the birds was a robin, the harbinger of Spring.  I always get excited when I see a robin towards the end of winter as it gives me hope that Spring is coming soon.  Here was this robin in the middle of winter, did he or she have her timing off?  I understood it as God showing me that there is always hope and even though our ‘winters’ in life may be difficult and may never seem to end, there is always hope that Spring will eventually come.  Each season in life has it’s value and it’s importance.  Life goes on, in it’s beautiful and inimitable way.

My prayer for you is that you always know deep in your heart that you, like the snowflakes, are a miracle, exquisitely beautiful and magnificent in your uniqueness.  I hope that you would know that if you are going through struggles, hardships and difficulties, that Spring will be here soon.  Look for the miracles in your life, they are there, you just have to be open to seeing them. I was never able to see the miracle of the snowflake because I was looking at it the wrong way, I could only see all the negatives of snow and I wasn’t open to the miracle.

I remember how when things were very hard for my family  just a few years back. I thought of Job a lot at that time and when the challenges just never seemed to end, the thought of Job and his patience did help me to persevere and not give up. I experienced many miracles among the struggles.  I knew that there was a reason for these hardships and the learning was profound, I can attest to that.  Those difficult times ended and Spring came in all its glory.

Recently a friend of one of my son’s killed himself, it was absolutely heartbreaking.  It seemed he had never been happy. How sad, that this young person, never knew how precious he was, how much he was loved by God.  There is always an answer, there is always hope, there is always the promise of Spring and there are always miracles.  We just have to be open to seeing them, have patience to await them and faith that God will never abandon us.

Remember to love others no matter what. Let them know they are precious to you. Let them know that you care, let them know that their presence in your life is important, that they are important and lovable.  Spend time with those who are lonely, call or write to those who are apart from you.

Take extraordinary care of yourself, so that you can take extraordinary care of others.

You are a miracle!

Peace, blessings and love to you always,

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19 Jan

How to be Gentle and Compassionate with Yourself

“Through your unique journey in life, you can make a difference
Through your trials, challenges and joys you have insights to help others
Through your embracing the light, you can bring peace to the world”.

 

1. Have Gentleness, Compassion and Forgiveness

One of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is to have love, compassion and forgiveness for ourselves. Not only will you be more at peace, and have more fun and joy in your life, but those wonderful feelings will reflect out to others. When we have compassion and understanding for our own faults and weaknesses, it allows us the opportunity to choose if we want to keep recreating these negative experiences in our life, or of choosing something more positive, effective and life-affirming. It’s not that we just accept our weaknesses as much as it is a surrendering them to a God, a loving Father, asking for help and guidance to improve, knowing that we are not alone and don’t have to go it alone. It’s also not that we don’t take action to do better. We do but we do it with gentleness, compassion and understanding at all times, especially when we fall.  (I just want to mention here that many people do not even like using the word “God” as they have had negative experiences of a religious nature.  People who have had experiences in some religious institutions or at home that turned them off, they experienced rejection and deep hurt. I understand that and I have experienced the same but as I have journeyed through life, studied, prayed, meditated, contemplated, read and experienced. I know that oftentimes little of our true loving God is in religion – what is left is often fear, judgement and rejection. I do believe and have experienced that our true God is our most loving, benevolent and beneficent Papa just waiting to bless us with abundant love and provision. So try to imagine the most loving, kind, wise, supportive, forgiving Dad and multiply that a thousandfold. Then maybe we are getting somewhat close to what God is truly like.)

2. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

When we beat ourselves up, for whatever it is we may be angry at ourselves for, it causes resistance in us and there is no way we can choose anything positive. We are coming from ‘survival at all costs’.  We become ‘stuck’.  Sometimes our challenges will bring us to our knees as we realize that we need Divine help. When we open ourselves to this Divine help, we are on the path of healing and transformation. We have support. This help that may come in the form of a person, a book or even a song so be open to miracles occuring.

3. Remember You Are Valuable

Never forget that you are valuable beyond measure. Your life and your experiences have tremendous value for your growth in consciousness and for those around you. Try to look at everything, (even the experiences which you feel are humiliating or shameful) with compassion and understanding.  If you messed up, you were no doubt coming from fear and survival. These events can be an opportunity for learning true humility and, believe it or not, this can be a gift. These life lessons can help us to have compassion for others who may also be struggling in the same way.  Believe me, most people have skeletons in their closets!  It’s all okay.  God is not judging you, so be extremely gentle with yourself and follow through with integrity.  Take extra-ordinary care of yourself.  Forgiveness is key to making changes and if you have to ask for forgiveness from others, so be it.  Whatever brings peace in your hearts.

4. Bring Everything to the Light

Bring everything to the light of God.
Watch your thoughts and remember we have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. Notice how often they are negative. Notice how often you are hard and punishing on yourself. Notice if you are comparing yourself to others and choose something else, something much more positive.  Imagine you were talking to a little child.  Would you be so harsh?  I think you would try to be understanding and gentle. Choose to treat yourself in the same way.  We are still children in many ways and we are always on a journey of learning about life.  Your life has unique value that only you can experience and share. You have unique gifts and talents filtered through your life’s experiences. Never devalue the importance of your life and of YOU.

Love always,

8UNmWfOVviBscZ88_kXTsbI0PmFCiCOBp74lycLRS0c

01 Jan

Procrastination

Procrastination Word Cloud Concept

Some of my clients asked me to give them a Tapping Script that may help them on a daily basis with their procrastination. So I have written one here below. I would also like to talk a little bit about procrastination and to remind you that you are not bad or wrong for procrastinating. Go easy on yourself, in fact it is of PRIME importance NOT to beat yourself up for procrastinating, that is only going to make things worse.

We procrastinate because our brain is trying to keep us ‘safe’.  Our brain is thinking subconsciously, if we get this achieved the long term payoff is too scary, I may be killed, be successful, be seen, stand out, get more clients, be too successful or any number of other scenarios or fears that keep us stuck in repeated patterns of not getting things done.  Or if you think in terms of ‘parts’ work (Internal Family Systems), there is a part or parts of you that would find it ‘not safe’ to move forward on the goal you are wanting to achieve.

Now that doesn’t mean we won’t be ‘busy’ filling up our time with tasks. It is important to ask yourself, is this helping me to get my important tasks done first? Do you find yourself wasting precious time on Facebook watching adorable kittens, watching TV or shopping? doing things that are not helping you to go forward in getting your important book written, calling up that client, following through with your taxes or whatever it is you need to get done?

So here are some pointers that have helped me and others do those important tasks first:

  • Write a list the night before with the important tasks to be done first.
  • Do the hardest tasks first.
  • Put the list either on our computer where you can cross it off or up on your wall, where it is in your face and  hard to ignore.
  • Have a timer beside you that gives you 5,10, 20 or 30 minutes to do the difficult tasks. Whatever is the amount where you can feel ‘safe’ putting in the time.
  • If you have more than one task, use that timer for each, it is really helpful.
  • Congratulate yourself or getting them done, either do a silly dance, sound the ‘Applause’ (free app) on your phone or jump up and down wildly. Do something crazy fun. By doing this, you are retraining your brain that doing these so-called difficult tasks can actually be fun.

Another thing to consider is how are you going to feel on your death bed, if you never achieved the goals you had set for yourself or achieved what you thought you were here to do in this life. I want to pass on from this life knowing that I did achieve what I set out to do or know that I did the best that I could. I would feel terrible knowing I wasted my gifts by procrastinating and reminding myself of this, keeps the fire lit under me.

Yes, it does take some discipline. I know that can be a dreaded word for many but honestly after you have achieved the task you feel so much better. It’s worth it, so if you need to do some minor gritting of teeth to just start, I say why not?

An important thing I do is I always check in with God, sometimes we push ourselves into goals that are perhaps not what we really want in our hearts. We just think we ought to. Maybe there is or was an expectation by our family, perhaps we made a vow a long time ago but now we really don’t want to follow that anymore. It is completely acceptable to let go of a goal that you really don’t want. Just make sure what is true for you.

All that being said, here is a script for you and I hope it will be helpful. Remember that you can change the words to fit yourself. The diagram of the points are below though there is no Wrist Point in this diagram, the Wrist Point is inside the wrist, where you would take your pulse. I wish you Peace!

KC (Karate Chop Point): Even though I don’t want to do…………………….., I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. In fact I don’t even want to think about it, I am not going to think about it, I can accept myself anyway

Even though I don’t want to do……………………….., I refuse to do……………………, I will never do……………….., it’s too hard, it’s disgusting, it’s so much easier wasting my time on other more fun things, I am open to seeing this issue from a different point of view, I am open to to letting go of some of my fear and I deeply and completely accept myself

Even though the thought of doing this task gives me a headache, makes me feel nauseous, embarrassed, guilty (or whatever it is for you). I am open to giving myself credit for dealing with this, for tapping on this issue and trying to work through my procrastination and I deeply and profoundly accept myself.

TH (Top of the Head): This procrastination

EB (Eye Brow Point): This procrastinating

SE (Side of the Eye): I’m tired of procrastinating

UE (Under the Eye): I’m sick and tired of not taking care of myself

UN (Under the Nose): This procrastinating

CP (Chin Point): I’m done with it

CB (Collar Bone Point): I’m sick of it

UA (Under the Arm): I’m sick of not getting stuff done

UC (Under the Chest): I’m sick of wasting my own time

WP (Wrist Point): This procrastination

TH: This procrastination

EB: This procrastination

SE: This procrastinating

UE: I’m over it

UN: I’m done with it

CP: I’m tired of it

CB: I’ve had enough of it

UA: What if I could do a little bit of the task?

UC: What if I could feel safe doing a little?

WP: No, that’s not possible

TH: What if it could be fun?

EB: Not possible

SE: What if I could value myself a bit?

UE: What if it is not as scary as it seems?

UN: This fear

CP: This fear

CB: This fear

UA: It’s way too scary

UC: Opening up a can of worms

WP: Too scary

TH: It’s never going to happen

EB: Too scary

SE: I’m not brave enough

UE: It’s life and death for me

UN: I just want to let this fear go

CP: I’m so tired of it

CB: I just want to let it go

UA: What if I could let some of the fear go?

UC: What if I am safe?

WP: What if I am safe?

TH: What if could try a little bit at a time?

EB: What if I could be safe doing that?

SE: What if I am safe?

UE: What if it could be fun?

UN: What if I am worth it?

CP: What if I could do it?

CB: What if it could be fun?

UA: What if could start slow?

WP: What if I am worthy?

Just remember to listen to your body and if there is any tension then you  know you need to tap more. Remember that we always tap on the negative and when the feelings (negative) go down to a 4 or below then you can bring in some positive affirmations or in this case I brought in open ended questions which kick the brain into finding solutions for itself. If asking those questions brings out a big NO, then keep tapping on the negative some more until you feel ready to accept the positive.

Remember you are valuable beyond measure and I hope you feel better from Tapping with this script and you will be able to achieve those tasks and goals you set out to do.

Don’t forget you can always reach out to me for a free consult if you want to work more deeply on your issues to get unstuck and to reach your divine potential in life.

http://www.bookedin.net/reach-your-full-potential

EFT-Tapping-Points-Labelled

Love and blessings,

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