Affirmations take a lot of perseverance and many people give up on them when they haven’t worked. With EFT, we have an effective tool that will help you get results from these affirmations. The most common reason that positive affirmations often don’t work is that we have negative subconscious beliefs that will undermine the affirmation you are making.
I have excerpted a piece from Gary Craig’s article on “Tail Enders” (it’s long but it’s definitely worth the read!). Gary calls those negative beliefs ‘Tail Enders’ as they can pop into your thoughts at the end of your affirmation. They are the ‘yes, buts’ and you need to be aware of them as they can sabotage your success.
Gary talks about a woman who weighs 200 pounds and wants to weigh 130 pounds:
Her affirmation is:
“My normal weight is 130 pounds”
She believes that if she keeps repeating that affirmation she will change her mind-set about her being 200 pounds. Unfortunately, after her affirmation, she may have one or more negative beliefs or doubts (Tail Enders) that pop up such as:
“But if I lose the weight, others will expect me to keep it off”
“But if I lose the weight I will have to spend a lot of money for new clothes”
“But if I lose the weight, men will hit on me and expect sex”
“But if I lose the weight, men won’t hit on me and then I will know that I’m not lovable”
“But if I lose the weight, I will have to give up my favorite foods”
This list of tail enders can be endless. These are just examples. They are not spoken or articulated but are in her mind and she may not even be aware of some if not all of them. They are the obstacles for her losing weight. Can they be eventually overridden by the persistent use of the affirmation? Probably. However, it’s a rare person who will keep up this persistence because they are not seeing any immediate results and they feel uncomfortable with the emotional discord that goes on between the affirmation and the competing negative belief. They often conclude that they are lying to themselves and just give up. As you can see the affirmation process usually needs help. It needs EFT to erase those tail enders.
This brings us to one of the truly powerful aspects of affirmations, namely that once an affirmation is installed, it is not easily moved. It becomes a permanent part of your persona until you replace it. For instance, those tail end affirmations for our 200 pound woman have taken up residence within her system. They are entrenched. They are written on her walls and have become her consistent thoughts, which of course have become her reality. They are stubborn and are not about to be easily “talked away” with an unaided new affirmation. She sees herself as a 200 pound woman- and that’s it! Her weight is a reflection of her existing affirmations (the writing on her walls). The good news here is that once the new “130 pound affirmation” truly takes place, it becomes the new consistent thought and is just as obstinate as the previous “200 pound beliefs” which it replaced. To gain weight back would be inconsistent with the new consistent thoughts she has.
If we listen to ourselves talk, we will hear our “limits” and other forms of affirmations. Things like…..
“I can’t sing,” “Making money isn’t spiritual,” “Women can’t compete in a man’s world,” “I never seem to find the right words,” etc. etc. etc.
These serve as affirmations that keep us right where we are. Affirmations are powerful, very powerful. We are using them every minute of the day. They shape our lives because they reflect our beliefs and our attitudes. You are using them right now as you are reading this. You are consulting your existing affirmations to agree or disagree to what I am saying. Have you found yourself saying, “Yes, but……” while reading this? If so, you are affirming something, probably a limit.
Affirmations are highly reliable and do, indeed, manifest in people’s lives that which is affirmed.
There is no question that properly installed affirmations work very powerfully. The only trick here is to make sure that the affirmation that you really want is the true affirmation.
This is where EFT comes in. It serves as a highly effective eraser for all the negative emotions and beliefs that are the competing tail enders. With the skillful use of EFT, each and every block to personal performance can be eliminated, thereby providing a clean wall on which to write our new consistent thoughts. Erase and replace. The combination of EFT and affirmations allows us to completely re-engineer our systems. It allows us to erase our blocks and install our dreams. Finances can flourish. Friendships can flower. And personal peace can proliferate.
Up until now EFT has been a stand-alone eraser without any means to install dreams. Affirmations on the other hand have been a stand-alone tool for installing dreams but without an eraser for the competing negative beliefs.
So let’s look at how to erase those negative beliefs, or tail enders. Some people are not even aware that they have these negative beliefs, they can be deeply embedded in their subconscious and they are so used living to with them. One way you can tell if you have a negative belief running is to check in with your body sensations.
Firstly, say your affirmation aloud. Then notice if you feel any tension, heaviness, tightness, fear or resistance when you say it. Perhaps you feel butterflies in your stomach, a headache, dread, nervousness, or shortness of breath. If you do, you can be pretty sure you have one or more negative beliefs about the affirmation. Ask yourself what that might be, if you get an answer, great. If not, you can still simply tap on the negative feeling in the body. Oftentimes once you start to tap, the belief and emotions connected to the feeling will come up. If it doesn’t, tapping on the sensation will still get results.
Look at whether you think you deserve what you are asking for. You may have deep-seated feelings of being undeserving or feelings that if you have success in achieving the affirmation it will be unsafe for you. Even if you have these feelings, tapping persistently will help to diminish them and replace them with the positive affirmation.
Let’s look at the woman who wanted to lose the weight. Remember that with EFT we want to work on one specific issue at a time and to be specific. Her first negative belief or tail ender was:
“But if I lose the weight, others will expect me to keep it off”
She would check on how true that feeling is for her between 1 and 10, 1 being not very true at all and 10 being completely true. In EFT we want to tap on the negative beliefs, feelings, pain etc first until they rate at a 4 or below on the scale. Then we can add some positive reframing statements or your affirmation and tap on those statements.
Now it may be that you have to go through each ‘tail ender’ before you feel free and positive enough to say your affirmation without any tension or fear.
Below is a Tapping Points chart showing the location of the tapping points. For this Tapping Exercise you don’t have to tap the Liver Point.
The Tapping Sequence
Tap 5 to 7 times gently on each point with your finger tips (there are meridian energy points on the end of your fingers too!). Use your index and middle finger on your dominant hand or hands as you say each statement.
You can use both hands on the Top of the Head, Eye Brows, Side of the Eyes, Under the Eyes, Collar Bones and Under the Arms. You can switch from one hand to two, whatever feels comfortable. As long as you are tapping on the points, it really doesn’t matter if you are using one hand or two. It’s just as effective either way.
You can insert your own statements; these are just some ideas for you to start with:
The lady who wants to lose the weight could tap something like this:
Karate Chop Point (KC): “Even though others will expect me to keep the weight off and I don’t know that I can, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway
Even though I am sure everyone will expect me to keep the weight off, I’m open to not caring so much what others think
Even though I am too scared to have that much pressure put on me, I am open to accepting myself completely.”
Top of the Head (TH): They’ll expect me to stay slim
Eyebrow: (EB): It’s too much pressure
Side of The Eye (SE): I don’t want to let anyone down
Under the Eye (UE): It’s too much pressure
Under the Nose (UN): I might disappoint them
Under the Lip/Above chin (CP): I may disappoint myself
Collar Bone (CB): It’s too overwhelming
Under the Arm (UA): I don’t know how it’s even possible to lose that much
Wrist Point (WP): There’s too much expected of me
KC: I don’t want to disappoint
TH: I don’t want to disappoint anyone
EB: It’s too much pressure
SE: I don’t want to care what they think
UE: They’ll have expectations
UN: They may put me down
CP: I might be rejected
CB: I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know who I would be if I were different
UA: I might lose my friends (boyfriend etc)
WP: It’s too threatening
KC: But I’m tried of carrying around this weight
TH: It’s too hard
EB: It’s too overwhelming
SE: It’s too much weight to lose
UE: I don’t have enough discipline
UN: Why bother?
CP: It’s too much stress to live up to others’ expectations
CB: I’m afraid if I lose it, I’ll put the weight it back on again
UA: Then I will disappoint everyone and be right back where I started
WP: Why even start?
KC: It’s seems too overwhelming
TH: Maybe it’s possible
EB: After all it is my body and I want to feel good about my body
SE: I am open to choosing how I want to feel about my body
UE: Maybe it’s possible I can not care so much what others think
UN: I’m open to respecting myself
CP: I’m open to loving myself and my body
CB: What if I could care more about what I think rather than what others think?
UA: What if I could value myself more?
WP: What if I could do this for me?
KC: What if I could feel safe losing weight?
TH: What if I could try it a little every day?
EB: What if I could be consistent?
SE: What if I could have more respect for myself than caring what others think of me?
UE: I am open to feeling safe no matter what weight I am
UN: I am a good person no matter what weight I am
CP: I am choosing to value and respect myself
CB: I am choosing to have healthy expectations of myself
UA: What if it could have fun losing the extra pounds?
WP: Maybe I could look forward to all I can do, when I am slimmer
KC: Maybe I can look forward to feeling really great about myself and my health no matter what
KC: I am choosing to lose weight for my own health and my own sake
KC: I am choosing to feel safe losing weight for me
Okay so that was a quick 5 rounds. Now remember everyone is different. You may need to tap more on the negative beliefs before you start tapping in the positive. Make sure you tune in to your feelings, start trusting those feelings instead of your head (sometimes your mind will play tricks with you but your body holds the truth).
The end result for the woman losing the weight would be that she would want to feel that it isn’t so important to her what others think about her weight. Then she can cross that ‘tail ender’ off her list and move on to the next or she may need to tap on it for a few days, if it is a deep ingrained belief. If she tested it, which we all need to do, she would ask herself how true is the statement:
“But if I lose the weight, others will expect me to keep it off” .
If it is at a 0 or a 1, you can be pretty sure it’s done but if it is still at a 3 or 4 more tapping is needing to be done.
Now say the affirmations again and see how true it feels for you?
You can use the above example to work with any affirmations. One of the things that I do is little affirmations so that it doesn’t feel too impossible or overwhelming a task for me. I just keep chipping away at it and adding more affirmations when I have achieved the first one and eventually I get success.
One other point I want to mention here is that as you are tapping, memories and many feelings may come up that are connected to those negative beliefs. For the woman wanting to lose the weight, it may be that family members or kids in school teased her about weight. She may have been molested or felt physically threatened. Whenever you are tapping please be aware that sometimes deeply buried trauma may come up. I strongly suggest that you work with an experienced practitioner if there is something traumatic that does comes up for you. There is help out there for you and you shouldn’t have to be alone with it, you can get help and freedom. If very scary feelings do come up for you, just tap the scary feelings down, don’t panic, tapping will calm them. Look at it as an opportunity for you to heal unresolved trauma. Find a skilled, knowledgeable and compassionate professional who is trained in trauma therapy.
This was just an example of one affirmation. You can affirm anything, you can work on finances, relationships, confidence, business goals, health, golf scores, performance anxiety, you name it. Take this formula and tap away any negative beliefs or ‘tail enders’ you may have using the above template.
Try using EFT with your affirmations and I wish you great success. Please email me if you have any questions at:
You can view Gary Craig’s website at: www.emofree.com